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Friday, November 27, 2015

It's been 3 and half years of my constant trying, to reset this thing and get this load off. I just cannot delete it. Most of the times I feel that, yes I have been successful in doing it. I have overcome. I have recovered from this ruthless and annoying disease. Now am free. But no, when I think more deeply, I find that to be what I want, not what I have been able to achieve. I am just embedding those false feelings over the reality. The reality is, I haven't been able to get rid of it. If God exists (I know there is nothing as such), I always pray that please let me be free again, so that I don't do that mistake again and land myself in trouble. I pray for that button or chemical/physical/hormonal phenomenon which could reset it in any way possible.
I wish I had not fallen in it, the trap. Maybe this is the time it should have happened, and I would have found the correct one without any mistake and would have avoided this long vacant ill period. People/websites/forums say it takes time. But is three years not enough? I envy those people who pass this phase within weeks or months. Almost all seem to pass it in a year or so. What's wrong with me? There are people (whom I find many in numbers and around me all the time) who do it in days. They just don't have any problem at all in moving on. I want to become like them.
When will I be able to leave from the clutches of this evil. Time, please do something. You are my only hope.

I wish if there could be a reset button in Life!

Posted by Subham  |  3 comments

It's been 3 and half years of my constant trying, to reset this thing and get this load off. I just cannot delete it. Most of the times I feel that, yes I have been successful in doing it. I have overcome. I have recovered from this ruthless and annoying disease. Now am free. But no, when I think more deeply, I find that to be what I want, not what I have been able to achieve. I am just embedding those false feelings over the reality. The reality is, I haven't been able to get rid of it. If God exists (I know there is nothing as such), I always pray that please let me be free again, so that I don't do that mistake again and land myself in trouble. I pray for that button or chemical/physical/hormonal phenomenon which could reset it in any way possible.
I wish I had not fallen in it, the trap. Maybe this is the time it should have happened, and I would have found the correct one without any mistake and would have avoided this long vacant ill period. People/websites/forums say it takes time. But is three years not enough? I envy those people who pass this phase within weeks or months. Almost all seem to pass it in a year or so. What's wrong with me? There are people (whom I find many in numbers and around me all the time) who do it in days. They just don't have any problem at all in moving on. I want to become like them.
When will I be able to leave from the clutches of this evil. Time, please do something. You are my only hope.

12:31:00 PM Share:

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Sunday, October 11, 2015


I am really a very high standard idiot. The foolishness in me is vast. Sometimes it's beyond measure. The pristine universe's space isn't huge enough to explain my stupidity. I may also see it as my extreme prowess of taking shortcuts by my dear brain. My brain is so lazy that it takes shortcuts even for the most obvious things. It's an incredible catastrophic kind of resource which has gone out of it's usual doings. If I am to meet someone shouldn't I call them before going out to the meeting venue? But no! My brain takes a shortcut and doesn't think about it, since it has come to know the fact that the person might have already reached just because her father (my father as well) called me telling that why don't I get up, brush my teeth, take bath, have breakfast and go and meet her. Here my brain thinks let's get going because I am already late as I played 4 battles (Clash of Clans) since my father called.

Thus, here I am again in burning anger, cursing myself the whole lot of expletives the mankind has ever invented and known. During this whole 2 hours of waiting which is still on, I would have easily completed my achievement of 1250 trophies under the cool fan on my bed away from this evaporating heat and sweat. I hate this that I wasted this much of time. Why am I waiting here under this tree and typing this article which I think will be in my blog after a very long break. Maybe I start writing only when am too angry or feel very empty. Doesn't matter. I have already thrown my anger on my phone's keypad. But there's still a lot of it for my beloved sister when she arrives.
Enjoy the sun!
Cheers :D
waiting

The Mindless

Posted by Subham  |  No comments


I am really a very high standard idiot. The foolishness in me is vast. Sometimes it's beyond measure. The pristine universe's space isn't huge enough to explain my stupidity. I may also see it as my extreme prowess of taking shortcuts by my dear brain. My brain is so lazy that it takes shortcuts even for the most obvious things. It's an incredible catastrophic kind of resource which has gone out of it's usual doings. If I am to meet someone shouldn't I call them before going out to the meeting venue? But no! My brain takes a shortcut and doesn't think about it, since it has come to know the fact that the person might have already reached just because her father (my father as well) called me telling that why don't I get up, brush my teeth, take bath, have breakfast and go and meet her. Here my brain thinks let's get going because I am already late as I played 4 battles (Clash of Clans) since my father called.

Thus, here I am again in burning anger, cursing myself the whole lot of expletives the mankind has ever invented and known. During this whole 2 hours of waiting which is still on, I would have easily completed my achievement of 1250 trophies under the cool fan on my bed away from this evaporating heat and sweat. I hate this that I wasted this much of time. Why am I waiting here under this tree and typing this article which I think will be in my blog after a very long break. Maybe I start writing only when am too angry or feel very empty. Doesn't matter. I have already thrown my anger on my phone's keypad. But there's still a lot of it for my beloved sister when she arrives.
Enjoy the sun!
Cheers :D

9:19:00 AM Share:

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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

The following writing was sent to me by someone and I thought of publishing it here with the authors consent. But the author wants to remain anonymous, so I am not going to publish the name.
I don’t know what to write as the topic of this post. Will leave this article untitled if I don’t work out a title till the end of the writing. I feel sorrow and lament inside me right now. How do you feel when you are thought of as someone who has killed his own brother and that too by someone who is very dear to you and has a direct relation with the person gone. How can a person of your own relation, so close to you, think of you as the person who did nothing to save their child. I don’t know how to react. I don’t know how to talk. I don’t know what to talk. I don’t know what to feel. How should I deal myself. 
Picture credit Huffingtonpost
Maybe they are right. Maybe they are supposed to act in exactly that way. Maybe I am thinking too much. Maybe since they are the nearest to the person gone, they are doing the correct thing. But how can they forget all those moments that we spent together? What about the immense love we have for him. The years spent together. The thing and matters as they were before the incident were so different. How can a brother let his sister’s son die without doing anything? How can she say he didn't do anything? How can she say it all happened because of us?
This was really bad. If God exists and he does these things then He shouldn't have done this to him. If a person is so eager to die but He shovels the other one who wanted to live life to the fullest and always tried doing so. There were so many options.

But things happen and it has happened.

-Anonymous
regret

Unknown

Posted by Subham  |  No comments

The following writing was sent to me by someone and I thought of publishing it here with the authors consent. But the author wants to remain anonymous, so I am not going to publish the name.
I don’t know what to write as the topic of this post. Will leave this article untitled if I don’t work out a title till the end of the writing. I feel sorrow and lament inside me right now. How do you feel when you are thought of as someone who has killed his own brother and that too by someone who is very dear to you and has a direct relation with the person gone. How can a person of your own relation, so close to you, think of you as the person who did nothing to save their child. I don’t know how to react. I don’t know how to talk. I don’t know what to talk. I don’t know what to feel. How should I deal myself. 
Picture credit Huffingtonpost
Maybe they are right. Maybe they are supposed to act in exactly that way. Maybe I am thinking too much. Maybe since they are the nearest to the person gone, they are doing the correct thing. But how can they forget all those moments that we spent together? What about the immense love we have for him. The years spent together. The thing and matters as they were before the incident were so different. How can a brother let his sister’s son die without doing anything? How can she say he didn't do anything? How can she say it all happened because of us?
This was really bad. If God exists and he does these things then He shouldn't have done this to him. If a person is so eager to die but He shovels the other one who wanted to live life to the fullest and always tried doing so. There were so many options.

But things happen and it has happened.

-Anonymous

10:17:00 PM Share:

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Today I and my other roommate had to break the lock because my third roommate accidentally took the only key with him to his college. We were really tired and were sweating heavy in the heat. But still we did a bit of roaming around and watched a bit of the world cup semi-final between South Africa and New Zealand. Then we decided to break the lock.

Now when the third roommate arrived, I asked him in a joking tone that why had he taken the key with him. He replied abruptly and said we could have waited 3 hours without breaking the key. I told him about our state at that time of afternoon but still he reacts such rudely. And then he along with my other roommate ask for my laptop to watch a movie. What kind of behavior is this? I was reading the newspaper and he goes out of the room switching the lights off. Great!
I didn't say anything because I don't want bring bitterness in our friendship. But this time I have been wounded hard. I feel sad. I am hurt with these strange ways of human psychology.

sad

Emotions hurt!

Posted by Subham  |  No comments

Today I and my other roommate had to break the lock because my third roommate accidentally took the only key with him to his college. We were really tired and were sweating heavy in the heat. But still we did a bit of roaming around and watched a bit of the world cup semi-final between South Africa and New Zealand. Then we decided to break the lock.

Now when the third roommate arrived, I asked him in a joking tone that why had he taken the key with him. He replied abruptly and said we could have waited 3 hours without breaking the key. I told him about our state at that time of afternoon but still he reacts such rudely. And then he along with my other roommate ask for my laptop to watch a movie. What kind of behavior is this? I was reading the newspaper and he goes out of the room switching the lights off. Great!
I didn't say anything because I don't want bring bitterness in our friendship. But this time I have been wounded hard. I feel sad. I am hurt with these strange ways of human psychology.

7:56:00 PM Share:

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Thursday, February 5, 2015

Love knows no limits.

My heart still feels she will be back. Its ridiculous, that someone breaks your heart, leaves you forever and you still love them with every broken piece, tears come out from your heart and covers your soul, still nothing can ease your pain.
People ask you reasons for your sadness and when you share your pain they tell their stories and try to convince they had gone through more bitter phases. Everyone can listen to your words but no one can understand your feelings, they ask you to be strong, and you have to pretend that you are happy because you don't want to punish your loved ones for your mistake.

Your soul cries sliently but your tears shouldn't tricle down, you want to share how you feel but you don't have words that describe your pain.
And you feel empty, you feel like dying but you have to live for your parents, you have to choose between "Die for your love" or "Live for your parents' love", physically you survive but emotionally you die.

I believe in loving someone forever, but waiting seems endless.
Love is the most amazing feeling but this gives the most unbearable pain as well. Lucky are the ones who are still with the person they love. Value them friends, because love is not easy to get, but once you fall in love it's impossible to forget.



Subham

love

Love

Posted by Subham  |  4 comments

Love knows no limits.

My heart still feels she will be back. Its ridiculous, that someone breaks your heart, leaves you forever and you still love them with every broken piece, tears come out from your heart and covers your soul, still nothing can ease your pain.
People ask you reasons for your sadness and when you share your pain they tell their stories and try to convince they had gone through more bitter phases. Everyone can listen to your words but no one can understand your feelings, they ask you to be strong, and you have to pretend that you are happy because you don't want to punish your loved ones for your mistake.

Your soul cries sliently but your tears shouldn't tricle down, you want to share how you feel but you don't have words that describe your pain.
And you feel empty, you feel like dying but you have to live for your parents, you have to choose between "Die for your love" or "Live for your parents' love", physically you survive but emotionally you die.

I believe in loving someone forever, but waiting seems endless.
Love is the most amazing feeling but this gives the most unbearable pain as well. Lucky are the ones who are still with the person they love. Value them friends, because love is not easy to get, but once you fall in love it's impossible to forget.



Subham

5:17:00 PM Share:

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Tuesday, January 27, 2015

I am feeling stupid right now. Not just stupid but at the hight of stupidity. I really am a non-thinking thinker who once again did a thing without any prior thinking. Or maybe I thought but not in that detail. Maybe it was just a simple thing but am making it sound such heavy a issue just to hide my stupidity.
Tomorrow I have a Basic Electronics practical class where I am supposed to submit the last experiment's report. So I (without thinking and remembering about the last semester) went out to a stationary and bought back a practical record copy. In the last semester we had to submit practical records on loose sheets. And I forgot this simple thing and bought that copy.
Poor me!



Subham

Stupid Me!

Posted by Subham  |  No comments

I am feeling stupid right now. Not just stupid but at the hight of stupidity. I really am a non-thinking thinker who once again did a thing without any prior thinking. Or maybe I thought but not in that detail. Maybe it was just a simple thing but am making it sound such heavy a issue just to hide my stupidity.
Tomorrow I have a Basic Electronics practical class where I am supposed to submit the last experiment's report. So I (without thinking and remembering about the last semester) went out to a stationary and bought back a practical record copy. In the last semester we had to submit practical records on loose sheets. And I forgot this simple thing and bought that copy.
Poor me!



Subham

6:31:00 PM Share:

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This is a personal blog of Subham who writes here to help others with tech-solutions or to express himself. So here 'US' consists of Subham only. This blog is purely a work of emotion driven writing except the technology posts. Thanks for visiting.
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