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Saturday, March 17, 2018

We humans are quite mistaken about the prospects of us being in control of our actions, feelings, happenings and circumstances. But it may be very minute, the number of times of us being correct in that regard is surprisingly miniscule.
Even in situations when we know that something is wrong, that may lead to a bad thing, something that you are going into will lead to a wrong
occurrence, even then we may still do it. We actually lack the control towards certain things and involuntarily we fall into that. We regret it only when we are past our actions. At the time of happening, we seem to enjoy it, unknowingly grow it, leading to the regret later, no matter the fact you you already knew at the beginning that it was wrong. And then the circumstances, they will lure you, they will show you things that you want to see.


But you need to see through the haze. Then only one can remain happy and relevant later. At that moment due to the overwhelming environment one may get delusional, but to stay on path definitely has its perks.
Satyajit Ray's this work Charulata is also an original story by Rabindranath Tagore. Human life, relations and their portrayal at its best. Half into the film you will feel really happy. Seeing how Amal is, you will feel joy. Later on, you will get to see what wrong is going on. But that's my perspective, this may not be wrong for someone else. Even a part of me feels it wasn't Charu's fault. But since in the beginning I said that tend to lose control.
I am feeling confused now. Better stop writing. :P

Control

Posted by Subham  |  No comments

We humans are quite mistaken about the prospects of us being in control of our actions, feelings, happenings and circumstances. But it may be very minute, the number of times of us being correct in that regard is surprisingly miniscule.
Even in situations when we know that something is wrong, that may lead to a bad thing, something that you are going into will lead to a wrong
occurrence, even then we may still do it. We actually lack the control towards certain things and involuntarily we fall into that. We regret it only when we are past our actions. At the time of happening, we seem to enjoy it, unknowingly grow it, leading to the regret later, no matter the fact you you already knew at the beginning that it was wrong. And then the circumstances, they will lure you, they will show you things that you want to see.


But you need to see through the haze. Then only one can remain happy and relevant later. At that moment due to the overwhelming environment one may get delusional, but to stay on path definitely has its perks.
Satyajit Ray's this work Charulata is also an original story by Rabindranath Tagore. Human life, relations and their portrayal at its best. Half into the film you will feel really happy. Seeing how Amal is, you will feel joy. Later on, you will get to see what wrong is going on. But that's my perspective, this may not be wrong for someone else. Even a part of me feels it wasn't Charu's fault. But since in the beginning I said that tend to lose control.
I am feeling confused now. Better stop writing. :P

4:10:00 PM Share:

Monday, March 5, 2018

There is a short story by Rabindranath Tagore named The Postmaster. Satyajit Ray had made a movie about the same story as a tribute to Rabindranath. These poets, authors, directors, filmmakers, creative people experience life and weave them into such simple stories. There is so much to derive from those. We as people are always hungry for a little love, a little care and we start building a world of our own, going into a fallacy of our own that we start associating our life to the people who showered affection on us for even a brief period of time. We tend to totally go away form the reality that their own being is separate from our own. We expect and assume that we have become part of their life. But no, that's a mere mirage. How can it be possible? People will anyway be how they are. Just a few moments of adulation was on their part, not that it makes you a permanent acquaintance of them.

We need to realise this at the start of anything. During and even at the end. Because there always be an end if there was a start. We need to stay on the ground. No matter how beautiful or fulfilling it may seem. But the underlying reality will always prevail. We should avoid ourselves from becoming emotionally depended. It may not seem to be a big problem at the start, but later the harsh truth comes. It would be a little easy to live life that way.
A beautifully done work of a legend — Teen Kanya - The Postmaster.

Realisation

Posted by Subham  |  No comments

There is a short story by Rabindranath Tagore named The Postmaster. Satyajit Ray had made a movie about the same story as a tribute to Rabindranath. These poets, authors, directors, filmmakers, creative people experience life and weave them into such simple stories. There is so much to derive from those. We as people are always hungry for a little love, a little care and we start building a world of our own, going into a fallacy of our own that we start associating our life to the people who showered affection on us for even a brief period of time. We tend to totally go away form the reality that their own being is separate from our own. We expect and assume that we have become part of their life. But no, that's a mere mirage. How can it be possible? People will anyway be how they are. Just a few moments of adulation was on their part, not that it makes you a permanent acquaintance of them.

We need to realise this at the start of anything. During and even at the end. Because there always be an end if there was a start. We need to stay on the ground. No matter how beautiful or fulfilling it may seem. But the underlying reality will always prevail. We should avoid ourselves from becoming emotionally depended. It may not seem to be a big problem at the start, but later the harsh truth comes. It would be a little easy to live life that way.
A beautifully done work of a legend — Teen Kanya - The Postmaster.

10:54:00 PM Share:

Sunday, March 4, 2018


Earlier I used to think what to write. Now it's more of a vent, to let out things. I watched a movie called Ankhon Dekhi. It's one of those movies that make you think about it even after you've watched it and long after that you think about it. Today I realised that the people that talk about these kind of movies being parallel cinema or coining terms like art-house films must also understand that some people are watching movies not because of the cinematic experience they provide, but because of the acting, the direction, the screenplay, he accent of actors, the scenes and production design, the story above all. It can be safely assumed that most of the people consuming media on smaller mediums like a 5 inch mobile phone screen or a 14 inch laptop are not seeing it because of the cinematic appeal the movie provides but because of the viewpoint the movie is about or the story.


Otherwise there would be no one watching classics of Satyajit Ray or Amitabh Bachchan or any legend for that matter. I am not saying that those films don't have cinematic brilliance, of course they do, but most of them aren't in a position to compare themselves with the modern ones since the old prints are not that good anymore. And even if they are, they are preserved in places where normal people don't have access to.
Thank you Rajat Kapoor.
sanjay mishra

Just Like That

Posted by Subham  |  No comments


Earlier I used to think what to write. Now it's more of a vent, to let out things. I watched a movie called Ankhon Dekhi. It's one of those movies that make you think about it even after you've watched it and long after that you think about it. Today I realised that the people that talk about these kind of movies being parallel cinema or coining terms like art-house films must also understand that some people are watching movies not because of the cinematic experience they provide, but because of the acting, the direction, the screenplay, he accent of actors, the scenes and production design, the story above all. It can be safely assumed that most of the people consuming media on smaller mediums like a 5 inch mobile phone screen or a 14 inch laptop are not seeing it because of the cinematic appeal the movie provides but because of the viewpoint the movie is about or the story.


Otherwise there would be no one watching classics of Satyajit Ray or Amitabh Bachchan or any legend for that matter. I am not saying that those films don't have cinematic brilliance, of course they do, but most of them aren't in a position to compare themselves with the modern ones since the old prints are not that good anymore. And even if they are, they are preserved in places where normal people don't have access to.
Thank you Rajat Kapoor.

3:48:00 PM Share:

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Never felt this alone in my life so far, as much I am feeling from last two weeks. I don't know whose fault it is. But ultimately the cause is because of me I guess. My wrong decisions and my failure of not being able to keep myself from the wrong. But how does one know. Sometimes they think that it's good, or rather say natural. Why to be a spoilsport. But then...... actually it's all about me.

I wasn't this alone when I was in ghaziabad in the initial days after that happened......neither was I this alone when I was in Bhubaneswar for the same reason......but here...I am totally alone. I feel no purpose in life no matter how much I try to reason and replenish my radical thinking. But it's not happening this time. I was a real fool. I didn't think about this situation, such an over-confidence I had. I hated thia state earlier too, and why not, anyone will hate it. Still my foolishness overtook me.

Sometimes very small things, minutest of things trigger those memories of recent past, the mere sound of a scooter being parked, can make you feel so empty. And in these times you always see people around you in such a way that they constantly remind you of your longing.

I wish I had never moved on. That way I could have stayed away from suffering again. This pain is like having something stuck in the neck all the time, and something causing discomfort in the chest area. Had I not moved on, or I wish it would have taken me two more years to move on, then I would have been saved from this misery. People might laugh reading all this, may think it's childish. But what do I do. I am this way and I can't do anything about it. I am trying to change myself. Earlier right after I became free of the old and just before falling prey again, I was in an illusion that I have changed. Now I realise, no, I was foolish all the while. I just wish it passes faster this time. Unlike last time. Or may the pain be there to linger on, but with miniscule intensity so that it doesn't affect my regular life.

Alone

Posted by Subham  |  No comments

Never felt this alone in my life so far, as much I am feeling from last two weeks. I don't know whose fault it is. But ultimately the cause is because of me I guess. My wrong decisions and my failure of not being able to keep myself from the wrong. But how does one know. Sometimes they think that it's good, or rather say natural. Why to be a spoilsport. But then...... actually it's all about me.

I wasn't this alone when I was in ghaziabad in the initial days after that happened......neither was I this alone when I was in Bhubaneswar for the same reason......but here...I am totally alone. I feel no purpose in life no matter how much I try to reason and replenish my radical thinking. But it's not happening this time. I was a real fool. I didn't think about this situation, such an over-confidence I had. I hated thia state earlier too, and why not, anyone will hate it. Still my foolishness overtook me.

Sometimes very small things, minutest of things trigger those memories of recent past, the mere sound of a scooter being parked, can make you feel so empty. And in these times you always see people around you in such a way that they constantly remind you of your longing.

I wish I had never moved on. That way I could have stayed away from suffering again. This pain is like having something stuck in the neck all the time, and something causing discomfort in the chest area. Had I not moved on, or I wish it would have taken me two more years to move on, then I would have been saved from this misery. People might laugh reading all this, may think it's childish. But what do I do. I am this way and I can't do anything about it. I am trying to change myself. Earlier right after I became free of the old and just before falling prey again, I was in an illusion that I have changed. Now I realise, no, I was foolish all the while. I just wish it passes faster this time. Unlike last time. Or may the pain be there to linger on, but with miniscule intensity so that it doesn't affect my regular life.

10:36:00 PM Share:

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

They ruin everything. Expectations. Desire. In a happy life these terms bring about turmoil with no reason at all.

I would ask you about love, you would probably quote me a sonnet. But you have never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable like me.

Life is way too tough for social animals like human beings at the cost of collective happiness we get from our family and friends.

Everything about human anatomy is great except some of the hormones and their triggering mechanisms (read situations/timings).

The transition from being relevant to being peripheral is hard. Sometimes you wish to have stayed irrelevant from beginning to avoid pain.

At times it feels all the same. The exact same thing happens. And you start questioning yourself about the decision of yours to get along, meet people, form associations in the first place.

Boys are so stupid. We boys/men are so methodical and good at doing almost everything, rationale and reasoning, but we are at the mercy of our stupid brain when it comes to terms of opposite sex and friendship. We are so stupid that when someone talks with us for a few months in a good way, we think there is potential, there is possibility. So much more. But the reality may be different. The other person was just being friendly and all you thought was to get to be with them for the rest of life. How foolish.

Somethings shouldn't bother me,
they absolutely should not,
but still they do.
I am trying to lose those inhibitions,
yet they cling on.

People use you so far you help them, and then when they're out of their bad phase, they've come into their comfort zone, you cease to matter to them anymore. You're pushed down on the priority list.

Detachment is the key to happiness. Desire is the root cause of all unhappiness. Only if dying was easy.

mixed feelings

Expectations

Posted by Subham  |  No comments

They ruin everything. Expectations. Desire. In a happy life these terms bring about turmoil with no reason at all.

I would ask you about love, you would probably quote me a sonnet. But you have never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable like me.

Life is way too tough for social animals like human beings at the cost of collective happiness we get from our family and friends.

Everything about human anatomy is great except some of the hormones and their triggering mechanisms (read situations/timings).

The transition from being relevant to being peripheral is hard. Sometimes you wish to have stayed irrelevant from beginning to avoid pain.

At times it feels all the same. The exact same thing happens. And you start questioning yourself about the decision of yours to get along, meet people, form associations in the first place.

Boys are so stupid. We boys/men are so methodical and good at doing almost everything, rationale and reasoning, but we are at the mercy of our stupid brain when it comes to terms of opposite sex and friendship. We are so stupid that when someone talks with us for a few months in a good way, we think there is potential, there is possibility. So much more. But the reality may be different. The other person was just being friendly and all you thought was to get to be with them for the rest of life. How foolish.

Somethings shouldn't bother me,
they absolutely should not,
but still they do.
I am trying to lose those inhibitions,
yet they cling on.

People use you so far you help them, and then when they're out of their bad phase, they've come into their comfort zone, you cease to matter to them anymore. You're pushed down on the priority list.

Detachment is the key to happiness. Desire is the root cause of all unhappiness. Only if dying was easy.

11:57:00 PM Share:

Thursday, December 14, 2017



Life was never what I wanted it to be
I wanted peace I got sorrow
I drove towards wisdom
Got this one thing right

Wanted to be near everyone
Distances kept on increasing
Wanted to learn everything
Career didn't allow

Wanted to be loved
But only I loved
Wanted to teach everyone good
I myself got changed
Life was never what I wanted it to be


I lost my ability to decide
I lost my ability to judge
I lost my ability to learn
I lost my ability to think

I lost the peaceful me
I lost the soulful me
I lost the carefree me
Life was never what I wanted it to be



reality

Life Was Never What I Wanted It To Be

Posted by Subham  |  No comments



Life was never what I wanted it to be
I wanted peace I got sorrow
I drove towards wisdom
Got this one thing right

Wanted to be near everyone
Distances kept on increasing
Wanted to learn everything
Career didn't allow

Wanted to be loved
But only I loved
Wanted to teach everyone good
I myself got changed
Life was never what I wanted it to be


I lost my ability to decide
I lost my ability to judge
I lost my ability to learn
I lost my ability to think

I lost the peaceful me
I lost the soulful me
I lost the carefree me
Life was never what I wanted it to be



9:04:00 PM Share:

Friday, June 2, 2017



Why do I feel sorrow.
Why does it feel hollow.
Is it just because she's hurt.
Or my heart is in confused dirt.


The mind says to withdraw
The compassion disagrees
This longing is for what.
I can't figure out.


Things are always complicated.
When will they be simple.
I hate this state of confusion.
Is there really a solution.


Am I doing the right thing
Am I doing really anything
Or everything is on its own
And I just go with the tone.


Sometimes I feel I am stupid.
I know nothing about cupid.
All this is for the first time
I am a noob in this dime.


But is it even real
The feel that it's surreal
Might be my misinterpretations
And my own false ideation.
poetry

A few Lines

Posted by Subham  |  No comments



Why do I feel sorrow.
Why does it feel hollow.
Is it just because she's hurt.
Or my heart is in confused dirt.


The mind says to withdraw
The compassion disagrees
This longing is for what.
I can't figure out.


Things are always complicated.
When will they be simple.
I hate this state of confusion.
Is there really a solution.


Am I doing the right thing
Am I doing really anything
Or everything is on its own
And I just go with the tone.


Sometimes I feel I am stupid.
I know nothing about cupid.
All this is for the first time
I am a noob in this dime.


But is it even real
The feel that it's surreal
Might be my misinterpretations
And my own false ideation.

11:16:00 PM Share:
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This is a personal blog of Subham who writes here to help others with tech-solutions or to express himself. So here 'US' consists of Subham only. This blog is purely a work of emotion driven writing except the technology posts. Thanks for visiting.
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