© Subham Ram. Powered by Blogger.

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Never felt this alone in my life so far, as much I am feeling from last two weeks. I don't know whose fault it is. But ultimately the cause is because of me I guess. My wrong decisions and my failure of not being able to keep myself from the wrong. But how does one know. Sometimes they think that it's good, or rather say natural. Why to be a spoilsport. But then...... actually it's all about me.

I wasn't this alone when I was in ghaziabad in the initial days after that happened......neither was I this alone when I was in Bhubaneswar for the same reason......but here...I am totally alone. I feel no purpose in life no matter how much I try to reason and replenish my radical thinking. But it's not happening this time. I was a real fool. I didn't think about this situation, such an over-confidence I had. I hated thia state earlier too, and why not, anyone will hate it. Still my foolishness overtook me.

Sometimes very small things, minutest of things trigger those memories of recent past, the mere sound of a scooter being parked, can make you feel so empty. And in these times you always see people around you in such a way that they constantly remind you of your longing.

I wish I had never moved on. That way I could have stayed away from suffering again. This pain is like having something stuck in the neck all the time, and something causing discomfort in the chest area. Had I not moved on, or I wish it would have taken me two more years to move on, then I would have been saved from this misery. People might laugh reading all this, may think it's childish. But what do I do. I am this way and I can't do anything about it. I am trying to change myself. Earlier right after I became free of the old and just before falling prey again, I was in an illusion that I have changed. Now I realise, no, I was foolish all the while. I just wish it passes faster this time. Unlike last time. Or may the pain be there to linger on, but with miniscule intensity so that it doesn't affect my regular life.

Alone

Posted by Subham  |  No comments

Never felt this alone in my life so far, as much I am feeling from last two weeks. I don't know whose fault it is. But ultimately the cause is because of me I guess. My wrong decisions and my failure of not being able to keep myself from the wrong. But how does one know. Sometimes they think that it's good, or rather say natural. Why to be a spoilsport. But then...... actually it's all about me.

I wasn't this alone when I was in ghaziabad in the initial days after that happened......neither was I this alone when I was in Bhubaneswar for the same reason......but here...I am totally alone. I feel no purpose in life no matter how much I try to reason and replenish my radical thinking. But it's not happening this time. I was a real fool. I didn't think about this situation, such an over-confidence I had. I hated thia state earlier too, and why not, anyone will hate it. Still my foolishness overtook me.

Sometimes very small things, minutest of things trigger those memories of recent past, the mere sound of a scooter being parked, can make you feel so empty. And in these times you always see people around you in such a way that they constantly remind you of your longing.

I wish I had never moved on. That way I could have stayed away from suffering again. This pain is like having something stuck in the neck all the time, and something causing discomfort in the chest area. Had I not moved on, or I wish it would have taken me two more years to move on, then I would have been saved from this misery. People might laugh reading all this, may think it's childish. But what do I do. I am this way and I can't do anything about it. I am trying to change myself. Earlier right after I became free of the old and just before falling prey again, I was in an illusion that I have changed. Now I realise, no, I was foolish all the while. I just wish it passes faster this time. Unlike last time. Or may the pain be there to linger on, but with miniscule intensity so that it doesn't affect my regular life.

10:36:00 PM Share:

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

They ruin everything. Expectations. Desire. In a happy life these terms bring about turmoil with no reason at all.

I would ask you about love, you would probably quote me a sonnet. But you have never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable like me.

Life is way too tough for social animals like human beings at the cost of collective happiness we get from our family and friends.

Everything about human anatomy is great except some of the hormones and their triggering mechanisms (read situations/timings).

The transition from being relevant to being peripheral is hard. Sometimes you wish to have stayed irrelevant from beginning to avoid pain.

At times it feels all the same. The exact same thing happens. And you start questioning yourself about the decision of yours to get along, meet people, form associations in the first place.

Boys are so stupid. We boys/men are so methodical and good at doing almost everything, rationale and reasoning, but we are at the mercy of our stupid brain when it comes to terms of opposite sex and friendship. We are so stupid that when someone talks with us for a few months in a good way, we think there is potential, there is possibility. So much more. But the reality may be different. The other person was just being friendly and all you thought was to get to be with them for the rest of life. How foolish.

Somethings shouldn't bother me,
they absolutely should not,
but still they do.
I am trying to lose those inhibitions,
yet they cling on.

People use you so far you help them, and then when they're out of their bad phase, they've come into their comfort zone, you cease to matter to them anymore. You're pushed down on the priority list.

Detachment is the key to happiness. Desire is the root cause of all unhappiness. Only if dying was easy.

mixed feelings

Expectations

Posted by Subham  |  No comments

They ruin everything. Expectations. Desire. In a happy life these terms bring about turmoil with no reason at all.

I would ask you about love, you would probably quote me a sonnet. But you have never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable like me.

Life is way too tough for social animals like human beings at the cost of collective happiness we get from our family and friends.

Everything about human anatomy is great except some of the hormones and their triggering mechanisms (read situations/timings).

The transition from being relevant to being peripheral is hard. Sometimes you wish to have stayed irrelevant from beginning to avoid pain.

At times it feels all the same. The exact same thing happens. And you start questioning yourself about the decision of yours to get along, meet people, form associations in the first place.

Boys are so stupid. We boys/men are so methodical and good at doing almost everything, rationale and reasoning, but we are at the mercy of our stupid brain when it comes to terms of opposite sex and friendship. We are so stupid that when someone talks with us for a few months in a good way, we think there is potential, there is possibility. So much more. But the reality may be different. The other person was just being friendly and all you thought was to get to be with them for the rest of life. How foolish.

Somethings shouldn't bother me,
they absolutely should not,
but still they do.
I am trying to lose those inhibitions,
yet they cling on.

People use you so far you help them, and then when they're out of their bad phase, they've come into their comfort zone, you cease to matter to them anymore. You're pushed down on the priority list.

Detachment is the key to happiness. Desire is the root cause of all unhappiness. Only if dying was easy.

11:57:00 PM Share:

Thursday, December 14, 2017



Life was never what I wanted it to be
I wanted peace I got sorrow
I drove towards wisdom
Got this one thing right

Wanted to be near everyone
Distances kept on increasing
Wanted to learn everything
Career didn't allow

Wanted to be loved
But only I loved
Wanted to teach everyone good
I myself got changed
Life was never what I wanted it to be


I lost my ability to decide
I lost my ability to judge
I lost my ability to learn
I lost my ability to think

I lost the peaceful me
I lost the soulful me
I lost the carefree me
Life was never what I wanted it to be



reality

Life Was Never What I Wanted It To Be

Posted by Subham  |  No comments



Life was never what I wanted it to be
I wanted peace I got sorrow
I drove towards wisdom
Got this one thing right

Wanted to be near everyone
Distances kept on increasing
Wanted to learn everything
Career didn't allow

Wanted to be loved
But only I loved
Wanted to teach everyone good
I myself got changed
Life was never what I wanted it to be


I lost my ability to decide
I lost my ability to judge
I lost my ability to learn
I lost my ability to think

I lost the peaceful me
I lost the soulful me
I lost the carefree me
Life was never what I wanted it to be



9:04:00 PM Share:

Friday, June 2, 2017



Why do I feel sorrow.
Why does it feel hollow.
Is it just because she's hurt.
Or my heart is in confused dirt.


The mind says to withdraw
The compassion disagrees
This longing is for what.
I can't figure out.


Things are always complicated.
When will they be simple.
I hate this state of confusion.
Is there really a solution.


Am I doing the right thing
Am I doing really anything
Or everything is on its own
And I just go with the tone.


Sometimes I feel I am stupid.
I know nothing about cupid.
All this is for the first time
I am a noob in this dime.


But is it even real
The feel that it's surreal
Might be my misinterpretations
And my own false ideation.
poetry

A few Lines

Posted by Subham  |  No comments



Why do I feel sorrow.
Why does it feel hollow.
Is it just because she's hurt.
Or my heart is in confused dirt.


The mind says to withdraw
The compassion disagrees
This longing is for what.
I can't figure out.


Things are always complicated.
When will they be simple.
I hate this state of confusion.
Is there really a solution.


Am I doing the right thing
Am I doing really anything
Or everything is on its own
And I just go with the tone.


Sometimes I feel I am stupid.
I know nothing about cupid.
All this is for the first time
I am a noob in this dime.


But is it even real
The feel that it's surreal
Might be my misinterpretations
And my own false ideation.

11:16:00 PM Share:

Sunday, April 23, 2017


I am confused and scared about what is happening to me. Is it happening again? Or is it happening for the first time because it never happened earlier? Or is it not what I think it is? It's just a few hours and I am missing the conversation/voice. How can this happen. When I think of post exam time, how will it be? How will I be able to sustain. Is it even real? Or just a play of some biological components? It's enjoyable but doesn't this kind of craving even for conversation mean that it's not the real thing, just a phase thing that has many names around. Moreover how can so many things match and yet many don't? I don't think it's this easy and accessible, right in front of you, to get the traits, qualities, characters and frequency you have been looking for, when all this while it was all there right in the foreground.

But maybe that's a different realm to discuss on and has its own dynamics. The reason for its abstraction might be because of my indifference to these things and the tedium or fear or exhaustion that I was going through regarding these. For one to see things, there should also be interest on the subject, right? But what has happened now? It was all unwanted, involuntary. I have no clue how it is going or where it is going and how did it even come to that or has it even come to any of that I am talking about in the first place. Maybe I am speculating too much and none of it has any reality to it. Well I fear the bad end and that's why I should not allow these things to haunt my mind. But whatever it is, it is filling me with positivity and if I see the recent past and my performance as an individual, I see myself at a good place. Things have definitely improved. Let's see how long it stays.
love

It's Strange!

Posted by Subham  |  No comments


I am confused and scared about what is happening to me. Is it happening again? Or is it happening for the first time because it never happened earlier? Or is it not what I think it is? It's just a few hours and I am missing the conversation/voice. How can this happen. When I think of post exam time, how will it be? How will I be able to sustain. Is it even real? Or just a play of some biological components? It's enjoyable but doesn't this kind of craving even for conversation mean that it's not the real thing, just a phase thing that has many names around. Moreover how can so many things match and yet many don't? I don't think it's this easy and accessible, right in front of you, to get the traits, qualities, characters and frequency you have been looking for, when all this while it was all there right in the foreground.

But maybe that's a different realm to discuss on and has its own dynamics. The reason for its abstraction might be because of my indifference to these things and the tedium or fear or exhaustion that I was going through regarding these. For one to see things, there should also be interest on the subject, right? But what has happened now? It was all unwanted, involuntary. I have no clue how it is going or where it is going and how did it even come to that or has it even come to any of that I am talking about in the first place. Maybe I am speculating too much and none of it has any reality to it. Well I fear the bad end and that's why I should not allow these things to haunt my mind. But whatever it is, it is filling me with positivity and if I see the recent past and my performance as an individual, I see myself at a good place. Things have definitely improved. Let's see how long it stays.

5:27:00 PM Share:

Saturday, April 22, 2017


The following poem has been written by a sister of mine whose pen name is given at the end of the poem below.

Bidhi Tumi

Bidhi tumi e jano tomar khela.

Ki tumi chao, ki tumi pao.

Aro ki ki tomar ichha....

Jani tumi amar porikhha nichho..

Tabuo ami cheshta korbo

Amar sesh roktobindu porjonto

Amar biswash sotyi e sotyi

Naki sob amar moner kolpona matro..

Korunamoy ki sotyi e amar opor koruna korben

Naki tini nisthur ,nirdoy...

Jani e mon sudhu taanr choronashrito

Tobu o bichar o aabege abodhho.

Moher bondhon chinno koro probhu..

Mukti dao ,gyan dao ,hridoy e nibid shanti dao.

Tomar preme biswash dao.


-Parna

bangla poem

Bidhi Tumi (Bangla Poem)

Posted by Subham  |  No comments


The following poem has been written by a sister of mine whose pen name is given at the end of the poem below.

Bidhi Tumi

Bidhi tumi e jano tomar khela.

Ki tumi chao, ki tumi pao.

Aro ki ki tomar ichha....

Jani tumi amar porikhha nichho..

Tabuo ami cheshta korbo

Amar sesh roktobindu porjonto

Amar biswash sotyi e sotyi

Naki sob amar moner kolpona matro..

Korunamoy ki sotyi e amar opor koruna korben

Naki tini nisthur ,nirdoy...

Jani e mon sudhu taanr choronashrito

Tobu o bichar o aabege abodhho.

Moher bondhon chinno koro probhu..

Mukti dao ,gyan dao ,hridoy e nibid shanti dao.

Tomar preme biswash dao.


-Parna

9:58:00 PM Share:
The following poem has been written by a sister of mine whose pen name is given at the end of the poem below.

আমার নীরবতাই তুমি আছো


আমার নীরবতাই তুমি আছো
আমার আকুলতায় তুমি আছো
আমার সজলতাই তুমি আছো
আমার মনে-প্রাণে তুমি আছো
আমার অনন্ত-বাহিরে তুমি আছো
আমার হাঁসি-কান্নাতে তুমি আছো
আমার প্রতি স্ত্রীলে তুমি আছো
আমার অন্তরে তুমি আছো
আমার প্রতি গানে তুমি আছো
আমার জীবনের প্রতি ছন্দে তুমি আছো
আমার হৃদযন্ত্রণে তুমি আছো
আমার কথাতে তুমি আছো
আমার ভাষাতে তুমি আছো
আমার রন্ধ্রে রন্ধ্রে তুমি আছো
প্রতি ছন্দে তুমি আছো

-Parna

bengali poem

Aamaar Nirobotai Tumi Aachho (Bengali Poem)

Posted by Subham  |  No comments

The following poem has been written by a sister of mine whose pen name is given at the end of the poem below.

আমার নীরবতাই তুমি আছো


আমার নীরবতাই তুমি আছো
আমার আকুলতায় তুমি আছো
আমার সজলতাই তুমি আছো
আমার মনে-প্রাণে তুমি আছো
আমার অনন্ত-বাহিরে তুমি আছো
আমার হাঁসি-কান্নাতে তুমি আছো
আমার প্রতি স্ত্রীলে তুমি আছো
আমার অন্তরে তুমি আছো
আমার প্রতি গানে তুমি আছো
আমার জীবনের প্রতি ছন্দে তুমি আছো
আমার হৃদযন্ত্রণে তুমি আছো
আমার কথাতে তুমি আছো
আমার ভাষাতে তুমি আছো
আমার রন্ধ্রে রন্ধ্রে তুমি আছো
প্রতি ছন্দে তুমি আছো

-Parna

9:53:00 PM Share:
Page num counts -->
Get updates in your email box
Complete the form below, and we'll send you the best coupons.

Deliver via FeedBurner

Labels

poem bangla bengali death love anger bangla poem brain emotion sad 6000 6k Bachendri Pal Bollywood IoT JRD Tata Sports Complex Jamshedpur KK Krishna Kumar Kunnath Subham Ram TSAF Tata Steel Adventure Foundation Treasure hunt Tumung adolescence aftermath ai airtel alcohol allowance android bengali poem bio weapons biological agents bitcoin blockchain blog boiled eggs books brain transplant brother bully business camera charm cigarette clash of clans climbing confusion counterpart cringe curse debtor descent digital digital business digital india discrimination dna ebola effects ekta sundor golpo emotional emotions entrepreneurial equilibrium expectation expedition expletive family father fear feel feeling feelings freedom friend friends friendship future gift good government of india graduation happy heat help high notes hypocrisy idiot infatuation inr insanity institute internet internet of things internet rights internet.org judge key kicchu nei kichhu aache lassa life low notes marks mate medical science mixed feelings money mountaineering movie net netflix notions nuclear weapon obstacles other half padhaku pain parna past phone platform poetry premium psychological raajma rage reality regret research paper resist review right to speech roommates rupees saas school screen singer sister sites six thousand smartphones smoking society songs studies studious stupid subhamram.dx.am successful sun surgery swear technology telecom terrain terrorism thoughts time waste topper transplant trekking uber under underrated universe versatility vocal range voice waiting war white house xioami

Tweets by Subham

Recent News

About Us

This is a personal blog of Subham who writes here to help others with tech-solutions or to express himself. So here 'US' consists of Subham only. This blog is purely a work of emotion driven writing except the technology posts. Thanks for visiting.
Proudly Powered by Blogger. ® All Rights Reserved.
back to top